May I help you?
by DarkDude
Summary: My third attempt at humor. Not too bad, not too funny. Read this if you want, it's short and sweet.


One day Red XIII applied for a job.  
  
"Your too red!" They told him. So he went home and died his hair brown.  
  
"Your too brown!" They told him. So he went home and died his hair blue.  
  
"Your too blue!" They told him. Red was getting mad, so he went home and shaved all his hair.  
  
"Your too bald!" They told him. But then he asked them  
  
"But what about my job skills?"  
  
"You can talk?!" They asked him.  
  
"Yup." He told them  
  
"Okay, can you say 'Do you want fries with that?' "They asked him.  
  
"Yes." He told them.  
  
"Say it." They confirmed.  
  
"Do you want fries with that?" He asked them.  
  
"*sniff sniff* Its...so beautiful! You're hired! We'll teach you all our consumer buying tricks!"  
  
"Yay."  
  
-Next Day-  
  
Red: May I help you?  
  
Customer: I would like a Hojo Burger.  
  
Red: Want fries with that?  
  
Customer: (He's so friendly and thoughtful!) Yes please!  
  
Red: Want fries with that?  
  
Customer: (Erm...maybe he's deaf) YES!  
  
Red: Want fries with that?  
  
Customer: (Maybe he's a robot) Yes! I want fries with that!  
  
Red: Want fries with that?  
  
Customer: (Thinks) Erh...no.  
  
Red: Want fries with that?  
  
Customer: (Maybe he's a robot that's broken) *Pokes Red and gets his hand bitten off*  
  
Customer: IM SUEING YOU!  
  
Red: Want fries with that?  
  
-Next Customer-  
  
Red: May I help you?  
  
Customer: I would like a milkshake.  
  
Red: If you get #1, you can get a milkshake and a burger for only $1 more.  
  
Customer: (Wow!) Sure! Ill have a numb---  
  
Red: If you get #2, you can get a milkshake and a cheeseburger for only $1.50 more.  
  
Customer: (Cool!) Sure! Ill have a numbe---  
  
Red: If you get #3, you can get a milkshake and a burger with fries for only $2 more.  
  
Customer: (Okay!) Sure. I guess Ill have a numb-  
  
Red: If you get #4, you can get a milkshake and a cheeseburger with fries for only $2.50 more.  
  
Customer: (Um...) Oookay...Ill have a number 4.  
  
Red: If you just buy a milkshake, you'll save $2.50.  
  
Customer: (Argh!) FINE! Give me a milkshake!  
  
Red: If you get #1, you can get a milkshake and a burger for only $1 more.  
  
Customer: I DONT CARE! JUST GIVE ME A MILKSHAKE!  
  
Red: But, if you buy #1, you can ge---!!  
  
Customer: *grabs Red and shakes him vigorously and gets both arms bitten off*  
  
Red: Or you could try our complimentary milkshake with your purchase.  
  
-Next Customer-  
  
Red: May I help you?  
  
Customer: I want fries.  
  
Red: Add a Hojo burger for just 25 cents more?  
  
Customer: (Cool!) Yeah!  
  
Red: Add fries for just 25 cents more?  
  
Customer: I...just said that.  
  
Red: Add a milkshake for just 25 cents more?  
  
Customer: JUST GIVE ME FRIES! I JUST WANT FRIES!!  
  
Red: May I help you?  
  
-Next Customer-  
  
Red: May I help you?  
  
Customer (Mom with kid): I'll have Jenova Nuggets.  
  
Kid: NO! I DONT WANT NUGGY! I WAN MILKSHAKE!  
  
Customer: Er, I'll have a McSappy Bag.  
  
Kid: NO! I DONT WANT MCSAPPY BAG!  
  
Red: Would you like a toy with your McSappy Bag?  
  
Customer: We don't want a McSap-  
  
Kid: I WANT THE TOY! GIVE ME THE TOY!  
  
Customer: I'll just take the toy and a drink.  
  
Red: Okay, That will be $21.  
  
Customer: What?!  
  
Red: You want a toy and a drink right?  
  
Customer: Yes!  
  
Kid: I WANT A DRINK!  
  
Customer: Be quiet! Let me buy lunch!  
  
Kid: I DONT WANT LUNCH! I WANNA POTTY! I WANNA POTTTTY!  
  
Red: A drink is $1...  
  
Kid: POTTY!  
  
Red: And a toy is...  
  
Kid: POTTY!  
  
Customer: Be quiet, and let me do buisness with the nice kitty cat.  
  
Kid: PO-Kitty?! *Runs and grabs Red*  
  
Red: Erm...*eats the kid*  
  
Customer: Thank you!  
  
-Next Customer-  
  
Red: May I help you?  
  
Customer: Yeah, make it snappy. Ill take a burger.  
  
Red: That'll be 1 dollar.  
  
Customer: *pays*  
  
Red: *gives him the burger*  
  
Customer: What is this?!  
  
Red: Excuse me?  
  
Customer: YOU GAVE ME PICKLES!  
  
Red: May I help you?  
  
Customer: I SPECIFICALLY ASKED NOT FOR PICKLES.  
  
Red: If you check your receipt, you'll see you did not.  
  
Customer: BECAUSE YOUR TOO STUPID TO UNDERSTAND ENGLISH!  
  
Red: If you would like, we could replace your burger for you with one without pickles.  
  
Customer: Please! *throws the burger at Red*  
  
Red: *Gives him a new one without pickles*  
  
Customer: What is this?!  
  
Red: Excuse me?  
  
Customer: YOU GAVE ME MUSTARD! I ASKED NOT FOR MUSTARD! I GAVE YOU MY OLD BURGER WHICH HAD MUSTARD! AND YOU DIDNT REPLACE IT! I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!  
  
Red: I am the manager. May I help you?  
  
Customer: ARGH! *shoves the burger in Red's face and gets his hand bitten off*  
  
-Next Customer-  
  
Customer (is extremely insecure): Ill...take an um...burger. And a large fry too.  
  
Red: That'll be $1.50.  
  
Customer: *pays and gets fries and burger*  
  
Customer: ?! Hey! Wait a second here! You gave me less fries then that man over there! *points to other customer*  
  
Red: I apologize, I can ---  
  
Customer: Is it because I'm black?! Huh?! RACIST! FREAKING RACIST!!!  
  
Red: replace your fries for more fries.  
  
Customer: Oh I see how your racism works! Give him TOO MANY FRIES! Your being racist in that sense too! How come I get more fries!? Is it because I'm black?!  
  
Red: No sir, what can I do to help you?  
  
Customer: YOU CAN BE FREAKING NOT RACIST  
  
Red: Next?  
  
Authors Note: Strange huh? Had fun? Now its your turn...Read and write! Please! Just incase you didnt get that, Red was working at a fast food place. The last three convo's are what customers do sometimes, and the first few are what some servers do. I hope you had fun! 


End file.
